Shadeen Francis , a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Philadelphia, says that one key differentiator is whether or not you've got a solution in mind. And there's research to back this up: A study conducted by Robin Kowalski, a psychology professor at Clemson University, found that the more pet peeves participants had about current or past relationships, the less highly they ranked themselves in areas of happiness and mindfulness. Perhaps people who are more mindful modulate the type of complaints they offer, preferring to engage in instrumental types of complaints over expressive complaints, thereby expressing complaints only when they believe they will accomplish desired outcomes.
Francis echoes the effectiveness of complaints that are solution oriented rather than ruminating on a pet peeve that can't or won't be fixed. Complaining as a means to an better end is key — doing so without a plan of action is where your mental state starts to feel the effects. So it's no surprise that venting, or going on one long rant, is harmful to our mental health. Aside from not having a favorable outcome in mind, venting is also typically the result of holding something in that's been eating away at you for too long — which comes with its own set of health implications.
In a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology , 50 healthy undergraduate students were asked to write about a past traumatic experience. Doing so was found to relieve stress and improve their immune system. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, or so the saying goes. So it's no surprise that frequent complaining can negatively impact your relationships.
But not speaking up about something that's bothering you can also end up souring a relationship — and present itself as a bigger issue in the long run. But, if you do talk about it, and share how and why you were hurt, then your friend has the chance to apologize and to make things right. The relationship will get deeper and you will feel happier since you are no longer carrying the weight of the situation.
But it can be a challenge to navigate the exchange, and ensure that your complaint is received constructively by the person on the other end. Hakim echos the sentiment of the Clemson study, recommending that we come from a place that has a plan of action.
This is true in work relationships and in personal relationships. When we provide constructive feedback, explaining how specifically to change so as to improve the situation, then mood and performance are likely to increase, despite the nature of the conversation. Both sides the one providing the feedback and the one receiving it feel better after such a positive and constructive interaction.
Complaining may even make you a new friend — if the person you're complaining to shares your dislike for the situation you're voicing a complaint about. The London Coaching Group is pleased to welcome all coaches and those interested in coaching to their monthly events. Networking starts at pm, with the featured session commencing at pm. Conversation is the fundamental unit of change.
How do you experience your viewpoint being challenged? Shift toward making agreements instead of expectations for greater clarity and intention moving forward. If theories are criticized, it is usually on the ground that they are not useful, do not speak to the situation, and fail to explain or predict things properly. In sum, a feedback-only policy that puts an end to criticism can enable lots of folks, you included, to feel happily ever after…. In personal as opposed to business situations especially, keep the focus of your feedback on the impacts on you, what you feel and think. Each of these definitions highlights key aspects of just what workplace coaching involves; positioning it as a development strategy that is distinct from mentoring, consulting and training although it does overlap with these fields. If you are a full-time employee, you can expect to spend 40 or more hours a week with your coworkers.
To really make it work, practice positive self-talk every day — in the car, at your desk, before you go to bed or whenever you notice negative thoughts. Emergency stress stoppers are actions to help you defuse stress in the moment.
You may need different stress stoppers for different situations, and sometimes it helps to combine them. Here are some ideas:. Doing things you enjoy is a natural way to relieve stress and find your happy place. When stress makes you feel bad, do something that makes you feel good, even if only for 10 or 15 minutes. Some of these activities may work for you:.
Positively Speaking: The Art of Constructive Conversations with a Solutions Focus By Paul Z Jackson and Janine Waldman Suppose.. • You've got a difficult. Positively Speaking: The Art of Constructive Conversations with a Solutions Focus - Kindle edition by Paul Z Jackson, Janine Waldman. Download it once and.
Self-talk can be positive "I can do this" or "everything will be OK" or negative "I'll never get better" or "I'm so stupid". Negative self-talk increases stress. Positive self-talk can help you calm down and control stress. With practice, you can learn to shift negative thoughts to positive ones. For example: Negative to Positive "I can't do this. I can fix it. Top 10 Emergency Stress-Stoppers Emergency stress stoppers are actions to help you defuse stress in the moment.