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To have a bout of kicking at that traitor of a Ganelon he would have given his housekeeper, and his niece into the bargain. In short, his wits being quite gone, he hit upon the strangest notion that ever madman in this world hit upon, and that was that he fancied it was right and requisite, as well for the support of his own honour as for the service of his country, that he should make a knight-errant of himself, roaming the world over in full armour and on horseback in quest of adventures, and putting in practice himself all that he had read of as being the usual practices of knights-errant; righting every kind of wrong, and exposing himself to peril and danger from which, in the issue, he was to reap eternal renown and fame.
Already the poor man saw himself crowned by the might of his arm Emperor of Trebizond at least; and so, led away by the intense enjoyment he found in these pleasant fancies, he set himself forthwith to put his scheme into execution. The first thing he did was to clean up some armour that had belonged to his great-grandfather, and had been for ages lying forgotten in a corner eaten with rust and covered with mildew.
He scoured and polished it as best he could, but he perceived one great defect in it, that it had no closed helmet, nothing but a simple morion.
This deficiency, however, his ingenuity supplied, for he contrived a kind of half-helmet of pasteboard which, fitted on to the morion, looked like a whole one. It is true that, in order to see if it was strong and fit to stand a cut, he drew his sword and gave it a couple of slashes, the first of which undid in an instant what had taken him a week to do.
The ease with which he had knocked it to pieces disconcerted him somewhat, and to guard against that danger he set to work again, fixing bars of iron on the inside until he was satisfied with its strength; and then, not caring to try any more experiments with it, he passed it and adopted it as a helmet of the most perfect construction. He next proceeded to inspect his hack, which, with more quartos than a real and more blemishes than the steed of Gonela, that "tantum pellis et ossa fuit," surpassed in his eyes the Bucephalus of Alexander or the Babieca of the Cid.
Four days were spent in thinking what name to give him, because as he said to himself it was not right that a horse belonging to a knight so famous, and one with such merits of his own, should be without some distinctive name, and he strove to adapt it so as to indicate what he had been before belonging to a knight-errant, and what he then was; for it was only reasonable that, his master taking a new character, he should take a new name, and that it should be a distinguished and full-sounding one, befitting the new order and calling he was about to follow.
And so, after having composed, struck out, rejected, added to, unmade, and remade a multitude of names out of his memory and fancy, he decided upon calling him Rocinante, a name, to his thinking, lofty, sonorous, and significant of his condition as a hack before he became what he now was, the first and foremost of all the hacks in the world. Having got a name for his horse so much to his taste, he was anxious to get one for himself, and he was eight days more pondering over this point, till at last he made up his mind to call himself "Don Quixote," whence, as has been already said, the authors of this veracious history have inferred that his name must have been beyond a doubt Quixada, and not Quesada as others would have it.
Recollecting, however, that the valiant Amadis was not content to call himself curtly Amadis and nothing more, but added the name of his kingdom and country to make it famous, and called himself Amadis of Gaul, he, like a good knight, resolved to add on the name of his, and to style himself Don Quixote of La Mancha, whereby, he considered, he described accurately his origin and country, and did honour to it in taking his surname from it.
So then, his armour being furbished, his morion turned into a helmet, his hack christened, and he himself confirmed, he came to the conclusion that nothing more was needed now but to look out for a lady to be in love with; for a knight-errant without love was like a tree without leaves or fruit, or a body without a soul. As he said to himself, "If, for my sins, or by my good fortune, I come across some giant hereabouts, a common occurrence with knights-errant, and overthrow him in one onslaught, or cleave him asunder to the waist, or, in short, vanquish and subdue him, will it not be well to have some one I may send him to as a present, that he may come in and fall on his knees before my sweet lady, and in a humble, submissive voice say, 'I am the giant Caraculiambro, lord of the island of Malindrania, vanquished in single combat by the never sufficiently extolled knight Don Quixote of La Mancha, who has commanded me to present myself before your Grace, that your Highness dispose of me at your pleasure'?
There was, so the story goes, in a village near his own a very good-looking farm-girl with whom he had been at one time in love, though, so far as is known, she never knew it nor gave a thought to the matter. Her name was Aldonza Lorenzo, and upon her he thought fit to confer the title of Lady of his Thoughts; and after some search for a name which should not be out of harmony with her own, and should suggest and indicate that of a princess and great lady, he decided upon calling her Dulcinea del Toboso-she being of El Toboso-a name, to his mind, musical, uncommon, and significant, like all those he had already bestowed upon himself and the things belonging to him.
Que trata de la primera salida que de su tierra hizo el ingenioso don Quijote. Yendo , pues, caminando nuestro flamante aventurero, iba hablando consigo mesmo y diciendo :. Mucho agravio me habedes fecho en despedirme y reprocharme con el riguroso afincamiento de mandarme no parecer ante la vuestra fermosura. Con esto, caminaba tan despacio, y el sol entraba tan apriesa y con tanto ardor, que fuera bastante a derretirle los sesos, si algunos tuviera.
Pero, sea lo que fuere , venga luego, que el trabajo y peso de las armas no se puede llevar sin el gobierno de las tripas. These preliminaries settled, he did not care to put off any longer the execution of his design, urged on to it by the thought of all the world was losing by his delay, seeing what wrongs he intended to right, grievances to redress, injustices to repair, abuses to remove, and duties to discharge.
So, without giving notice of his intention to anyone, and without anybody seeing him, one morning before the dawning of the day which was one of the hottest of the month of July he donned his suit of armour, mounted Rocinante with his patched-up helmet on, braced his buckler, took his lance, and by the back door of the yard sallied forth upon the plain in the highest contentment and satisfaction at seeing with what ease he had made a beginning with his grand purpose. But scarcely did he find himself upon the open plain, when a terrible thought struck him, one all but enough to make him abandon the enterprise at the very outset.
It occurred to him that he had not been dubbed a knight, and that according to the law of chivalry he neither could nor ought to bear arms against any knight; and that even if he had been, still he ought, as a novice knight, to wear white armour, without a device upon the shield until by his prowess he had earned one. These reflections made him waver in his purpose, but his craze being stronger than any reasoning, he made up his mind to have himself dubbed a knight by the first one he came across, following the example of others in the same case, as he had read in the books that brought him to this pass.
As for white armour, he resolved, on the first opportunity, to scour his until it was whiter than an ermine; and so comforting himself he pursued his way, taking that which his horse chose, for in this he believed lay the essence of adventures. Thus setting out, our new-fledged adventurer paced along, talking to himself and saying, "Who knows but that in time to come, when the veracious history of my famous deeds is made known, the sage who writes it, when he has to set forth my first sally in the early morning, will do it after this fashion?
And thou, O sage magician, whoever thou art, to whom it shall fall to be the chronicler of this wondrous history, forget not, I entreat thee, my good Rocinante, the constant companion of my ways and wanderings. O lady, deign to hold in remembrance this heart, thy vassal, that thus in anguish pines for love of thee. So he went on stringing together these and other absurdities, all in the style of those his books had taught him, imitating their language as well as he could; and all the while he rode so slowly and the sun mounted so rapidly and with such fervour that it was enough to melt his brains if he had any.
Nearly all day he travelled without anything remarkable happening to him, at which he was in despair, for he was anxious to encounter some one at once upon whom to try the might of his strong arm. Writers there are who say the first adventure he met with was that of Puerto Lapice; others say it was that of the windmills; but what I have ascertained on this point, and what I have found written in the annals of La Mancha, is that he was on the road all day, and towards nightfall his hack and he found themselves dead tired and hungry, when, looking all around to see if he could discover any castle or shepherd's shanty where he might refresh himself and relieve his sore wants, he perceived not far out of his road an inn, which was as welcome as a star guiding him to the portals, if not the palaces, of his redemption; and quickening his pace he reached it just as night was setting in.
At the door were standing two young women, girls of the district as they call them, on their way to Seville with some carriers who had chanced to halt that night at the inn; and as, happen what might to our adventurer, everything he saw or imaged seemed to him to be and to happen after the fashion of what he read of, the moment he saw the inn he pictured it to himself as a castle with its four turrets and pinnacles of shining silver, not forgetting the drawbridge and moat and all the belongings usually ascribed to castles of the sort.
To this inn, which to him seemed a castle, he advanced, and at a short distance from it he checked Rocinante, hoping that some dwarf would show himself upon the battlements, and by sound of trumpet give notice that a knight was approaching the castle.
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But seeing that they were slow about it, and that Rocinante was in a hurry to reach the stable, he made for the inn door, and perceived the two gay damsels who were standing there, and who seemed to him to be two fair maidens or lovely ladies taking their ease at the castle gate. At this moment it so happened that a swineherd who was going through the stubbles collecting a drove of pigs for, without any apology, that is what they are called gave a blast of his horn to bring them together, and forthwith it seemed to Don Quixote to be what he was expecting, the signal of some dwarf announcing his arrival; and so with prodigious satisfaction he rode up to the inn and to the ladies, who, seeing a man of this sort approaching in full armour and with lance and buckler, were turning in dismay into the inn, when Don Quixote, guessing their fear by their flight, raising his pasteboard visor, disclosed his dry dusty visage, and with courteous bearing and gentle voice addressed them, "Your ladyships need not fly or fear any rudeness, for that it belongs not to the order of knighthood which I profess to offer to anyone, much less to highborn maidens as your appearance proclaims you to be.
The incomprehensible language and the unpromising looks of our cavalier only increased the ladies' laughter, and that increased his irritation, and matters might have gone farther if at that moment the landlord had not come out, who, being a very fat man, was a very peaceful one. He, seeing this grotesque figure clad in armour that did not match any more than his saddle, bridle, lance, buckler, or corselet, was not at all indisposed to join the damsels in their manifestations of amusement; but, in truth, standing in awe of such a complicated armament, he thought it best to speak him fairly, so he said, "Senor Caballero, if your worship wants lodging, bating the bed for there is not one in the inn there is plenty of everything else here.
The host fancied he called him Castellan because he took him for a "worthy of Castile," though he was in fact an Andalusian, and one from the strand of San Lucar, as crafty a thief as Cacus and as full of tricks as a student or a page. The landlord eyed him over but did not find him as good as Don Quixote said, nor even half as good; and putting him up in the stable, he returned to see what might be wanted by his guest, whom the damsels, who had by this time made their peace with him, were now relieving of his armour.
They had taken off his breastplate and backpiece, but they neither knew nor saw how to open his gorget or remove his make-shift helmet, for he had fastened it with green ribbons, which, as there was no untying the knots, required to be cut. This, however, he would not by any means consent to, so he remained all the evening with his helmet on, the drollest and oddest figure that can be imagined; and while they were removing his armour, taking the baggages who were about it for ladies of high degree belonging to the castle, he said to them with great sprightliness:.
A time, however, will come for your ladyships to command and me to obey, and then the might of my arm will show my desire to serve you. The girls, who were not used to hearing rhetoric of this sort, had nothing to say in reply; they only asked him if he wanted anything to eat. But whatever it be let it come quickly, for the burden and pressure of arms cannot be borne without support to the inside. But to give him anything to drink was impossible, or would have been so had not the landlord bored a reed, and putting one end in his mouth poured the wine into him through the other; all which he bore with patience rather than sever the ribbons of his helmet.
While this was going on there came up to the inn a sowgelder, who, as he approached, sounded his reed pipe four or five times, and thereby completely convinced Don Quixote that he was in some famous castle, and that they were regaling him with music, and that the stockfish was trout, the bread the whitest, the wenches ladies, and the landlord the castellan of the castle; and consequently he held that his enterprise and sally had been to some purpose. But still it distressed him to think he had not been dubbed a knight, for it was plain to him he could not lawfully engage in any adventure without receiving the order of knighthood.
Donde se cuenta la graciosa manera que tuvo don Quijote en armarse caballero. Mira lo que haces , y no las toques , si no quieres dejar la vida en pago de tu atrevimiento. Harassed by this reflection, he made haste with his scanty pothouse supper, and having finished it called the landlord, and shutting himself into the stable with him, fell on his knees before him, saying, "From this spot I rise not, valiant knight, until your courtesy grants me the boon I seek, one that will redound to your praise and the benefit of the human race.
The landlord, who, as has been mentioned, was something of a wag, and had already some suspicion of his guest's want of wits, was quite convinced of it on hearing talk of this kind from him, and to make sport for the night he determined to fall in with his humour. He told him, moreover, that in this castle of his there was no chapel in which he could watch his armour, as it had been pulled down in order to be rebuilt, but that in a case of necessity it might, he knew, be watched anywhere, and he might watch it that night in a courtyard of the castle, and in the morning, God willing, the requisite ceremonies might be performed so as to have him dubbed a knight, and so thoroughly dubbed that nobody could be more so.
He asked if he had any money with him, to which Don Quixote replied that he had not a farthing, as in the histories of knights-errant he had never read of any of them carrying any. On this point the landlord told him he was mistaken; for, though not recorded in the histories, because in the author's opinion there was no need to mention anything so obvious and necessary as money and clean shirts, it was not to be supposed therefore that they did not carry them, and he might regard it as certain and established that all knights-errant about whom there were so many full and unimpeachable books carried well-furnished purses in case of emergency, and likewise carried shirts and a little box of ointment to cure the wounds they received.
For in those plains and deserts where they engaged in combat and came out wounded, it was not always that there was some one to cure them, unless indeed they had for a friend some sage magician to succour them at once by fetching through the air upon a cloud some damsel or dwarf with a vial of water of such virtue that by tasting one drop of it they were cured of their hurts and wounds in an instant and left as sound as if they had not received any damage whatever.
But in case this should not occur, the knights of old took care to see that their squires were provided with money and other requisites, such as lint and ointments for healing purposes; and when it happened that knights had no squires which was rarely and seldom the case they themselves carried everything in cunning saddle-bags that were hardly seen on the horse's croup, as if it were something else of more importance, because, unless for some such reason, carrying saddle-bags was not very favourably regarded among knights-errant.
He therefore advised him and, as his godson so soon to be, he might even command him never from that time forth to travel without money and the usual requirements, and he would find the advantage of them when he least expected it. Don Quixote promised to follow his advice scrupulously, and it was arranged forthwith that he should watch his armour in a large yard at one side of the inn; so, collecting it all together, Don Quixote placed it on a trough that stood by the side of a well, and bracing his buckler on his arm he grasped his lance and began with a stately air to march up and down in front of the trough, and as he began his march night began to fall.
The landlord told all the people who were in the inn about the craze of his guest, the watching of the armour, and the dubbing ceremony he contemplated. Full of wonder at so strange a form of madness, they flocked to see it from a distance, and observed with what composure he sometimes paced up and down, or sometimes, leaning on his lance, gazed on his armour without taking his eyes off it for ever so long; and as the night closed in with a light from the moon so brilliant that it might vie with his that lent it, everything the novice knight did was plainly seen by all.
Meanwhile one of the carriers who were in the inn thought fit to water his team, and it was necessary to remove Don Quixote's armour as it lay on the trough; but he seeing the other approach hailed him in a loud voice, "O thou, whoever thou art, rash knight that comest to lay hands on the armour of the most valorous errant that ever girt on sword, have a care what thou dost; touch it not unless thou wouldst lay down thy life as the penalty of thy rashness.
Seeing this, Don Quixote raised his eyes to heaven, and fixing his thoughts, apparently, upon his lady Dulcinea, exclaimed, "Aid me, lady mine, in this the first encounter that presents itself to this breast which thou holdest in subjection; let not thy favour and protection fail me in this first jeopardy;" and, with these words and others to the same purpose, dropping his buckler he lifted his lance with both hands and with it smote such a blow on the carrier's head that he stretched him on the ground, so stunned that had he followed it up with a second there would have been no need of a surgeon to cure him.
This done, he picked up his armour and returned to his beat with the same serenity as before. Shortly after this, another, not knowing what had happened for the carrier still lay senseless , came with the same object of giving water to his mules, and was proceeding to remove the armour in order to clear the trough, when Don Quixote, without uttering a word or imploring aid from anyone, once more dropped his buckler and once more lifted his lance, and without actually breaking the second carrier's head into pieces, made more than three of it, for he laid it open in four.
At the noise all the people of the inn ran to the spot, and among them the landlord. Seeing this, Don Quixote braced his buckler on his arm, and with his hand on his sword exclaimed, "O Lady of Beauty, strength and support of my faint heart, it is time for thee to turn the eyes of thy greatness on this thy captive knight on the brink of so mighty an adventure. The comrades of the wounded perceiving the plight they were in began from a distance to shower stones on Don Quixote, who screened himself as best he could with his buckler, not daring to quit the trough and leave his armour unprotected.
The landlord shouted to them to leave him alone, for he had already told them that he was mad, and as a madman he would not be accountable even if he killed them all. Still louder shouted Don Quixote, calling them knaves and traitors, and the lord of the castle, who allowed knights-errant to be treated in this fashion, a villain and a low-born knight whom, had he received the order of knighthood, he would call to account for his treachery. But these freaks of his guest were not much to the liking of the landlord, so he determined to cut matters short and confer upon him at once the unlucky order of knighthood before any further misadventure could occur; so, going up to him, he apologised for the rudeness which, without his knowledge, had been offered to him by these low people, who, however, had been well punished for their audacity.
As he had already told him, he said, there was no chapel in the castle, nor was it needed for what remained to be done, for, as he understood the ceremonial of the order, the whole point of being dubbed a knight lay in the accolade and in the slap on the shoulder, and that could be administered in the middle of a field; and that he had now done all that was needful as to watching the armour, for all requirements were satisfied by a watch of two hours only, while he had been more than four about it. Don Quixote believed it all, and told him he stood there ready to obey him, and to make an end of it with as much despatch as possible; for, if he were again attacked, and felt himself to be dubbed knight, he would not, he thought, leave a soul alive in the castle, except such as out of respect he might spare at his bidding.
Thus warned and menaced, the castellan forthwith brought out a book in which he used to enter the straw and barley he served out to the carriers, and, with a lad carrying a candle-end, and the two damsels already mentioned, he returned to where Don Quixote stood, and bade him kneel down.
Then, reading from his account-book as if he were repeating some devout prayer, in the middle of his delivery he raised his hand and gave him a sturdy blow on the neck, and then, with his own sword, a smart slap on the shoulder, all the while muttering between his teeth as if he was saying his prayers. Having done this, he directed one of the ladies to gird on his sword, which she did with great self-possession and gravity, and not a little was required to prevent a burst of laughter at each stage of the ceremony; but what they had already seen of the novice knight's prowess kept their laughter within bounds.
On girding him with the sword the worthy lady said to him, "May God make your worship a very fortunate knight, and grant you success in battle. She answered with great humility that she was called La Tolosa, and that she was the daughter of a cobbler of Toledo who lived in the stalls of Sanchobienaya, and that wherever she might be she would serve and esteem him as her lord. Don Quixote said in reply that she would do him a favour if thenceforward she assumed the "Don" and called herself Dona Tolosa. She promised she would, and then the other buckled on his spur, and with her followed almost the same conversation as with the lady of the sword.
He asked her name, and she said it was La Molinera, and that she was the daughter of a respectable miller of Antequera; and of her likewise Don Quixote requested that she would adopt the "Don" and call herself Dona Molinera, making offers to her further services and favours. Having thus, with hot haste and speed, brought to a conclusion these never-till-now-seen ceremonies, Don Quixote was on thorns until he saw himself on horseback sallying forth in quest of adventures; and saddling Rocinante at once he mounted, and embracing his host, as he returned thanks for his kindness in knighting him, he addressed him in language so extraordinary that it is impossible to convey an idea of it or report it.
The landlord, to get him out of the inn, replied with no less rhetoric though with shorter words, and without calling upon him to pay the reckoning let him go with a Godspeed. Y viendo don Quijote lo que pasaba , con voz airada dijo :. Por el sol que nos alumbra , que estoy por pasaros de parte a parte con esta lanza. Desatadlo luego. Day was dawning when Don Quixote quitted the inn, so happy, so gay, so exhilarated at finding himself now dubbed a knight, that his joy was like to burst his horse-girths.
However, recalling the advice of his host as to the requisites he ought to carry with him, especially that referring to money and shirts, he determined to go home and provide himself with all, and also with a squire, for he reckoned upon securing a farm-labourer, a neighbour of his, a poor man with a family, but very well qualified for the office of squire to a knight. With this object he turned his horse's head towards his village, and Rocinante, thus reminded of his old quarters, stepped out so briskly that he hardly seemed to tread the earth.
He had not gone far, when out of a thicket on his right there seemed to come feeble cries as of some one in distress, and the instant he heard them he exclaimed, "Thanks be to heaven for the favour it accords me, that it so soon offers me an opportunity of fulfilling the obligation I have undertaken, and gathering the fruit of my ambition. These cries, no doubt, come from some man or woman in want of help, and needing my aid and protection;" and wheeling, he turned Rocinante in the direction whence the cries seemed to proceed.
He had gone but a few paces into the wood, when he saw a mare tied to an oak, and tied to another, and stripped from the waist upwards, a youth of about fifteen years of age, from whom the cries came. Nor were they without cause, for a lusty farmer was flogging him with a belt and following up every blow with scoldings and commands, repeating, "Your mouth shut and your eyes open! Seeing what was going on, Don Quixote said in an angry voice, "Discourteous knight, it ill becomes you to assail one who cannot defend himself; mount your steed and take your lance" for there was a lance leaning against the oak to which the mare was tied , "and I will make you know that you are behaving as a coward.
Pay him at once without another word; if not, by the God that rules us I will make an end of you, and annihilate you on the spot; release him instantly. The farmer hung his head, and without a word untied his servant, of whom Don Quixote asked how much his master owed him. He replied, nine months at seven reals a month. Don Quixote added it up, found that it came to sixty-three reals, and told the farmer to pay it down immediately, if he did not want to die for it.
The trembling clown replied that as he lived and by the oath he had sworn though he had not sworn any it was not so much; for there were to be taken into account and deducted three pairs of shoes he had given him, and a real for two blood-lettings when he was sick. No, senor, not for the world; for once alone with me, he would ray me like a Saint Bartholomew.
And if you desire to know who it is lays this command upon you, that you be more firmly bound to obey it, know that I am the valorous Don Quixote of La Mancha, the undoer of wrongs and injustices; and so, God be with you, and keep in mind what you have promised and sworn under those penalties that have been already declared to you. So saying, he gave Rocinante the spur and was soon out of reach. The farmer followed him with his eyes, and when he saw that he had cleared the wood and was no longer in sight, he turned to his boy Andres, and said, "Come here, my son, I want to pay you what I owe you, as that undoer of wrongs has commanded me.
Andres went off rather down in the mouth, swearing he would go to look for the valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha and tell him exactly what had happened, and that all would have to be repaid him sevenfold; but for all that, he went off weeping, while his master stood laughing. Thus did the valiant Don Quixote right that wrong, and, thoroughly satisfied with what had taken place, as he considered he had made a very happy and noble beginning with his knighthood, he took the road towards his village in perfect self-content, saying in a low voice, "Well mayest thou this day call thyself fortunate above all on earth, O Dulcinea del Toboso, fairest of the fair!
He now came to a road branching in four directions, and immediately he was reminded of those cross-roads where knights-errant used to stop to consider which road they should take. In imitation of them he halted for a while, and after having deeply considered it, he gave Rocinante his head, submitting his own will to that of his hack, who followed out his first intention, which was to make straight for his own stable.
After he had gone about two miles Don Quixote perceived a large party of people, who, as afterwards appeared, were some Toledo traders, on their way to buy silk at Murcia. There were six of them coming along under their sunshades, with four servants mounted, and three muleteers on foot. Scarcely had Don Quixote descried them when the fancy possessed him that this must be some new adventure; and to help him to imitate as far as he could those passages he had read of in his books, here seemed to come one made on purpose, which he resolved to attempt.
So with a lofty bearing and determination he fixed himself firmly in his stirrups, got his lance ready, brought his buckler before his breast, and planting himself in the middle of the road, stood waiting the approach of these knights-errant, for such he now considered and held them to be; and when they had come near enough to see and hear, he exclaimed with a haughty gesture, "All the world stand, unless all the world confess that in all the world there is no maiden fairer than the Empress of La Mancha, the peerless Dulcinea del Toboso. The traders halted at the sound of this language and the sight of the strange figure that uttered it, and from both figure and language at once guessed the craze of their owner; they wished, however, to learn quietly what was the object of this confession that was demanded of them, and one of them, who was rather fond of a joke and was very sharp-witted, said to him, "Sir Knight, we do not know who this good lady is that you speak of; show her to us, for, if she be of such beauty as you suggest, with all our hearts and without any pressure we will confess the truth that is on your part required of us.
The essential point is that without seeing her you must believe, confess, affirm, swear, and defend it; else ye have to do with me in battle, ill-conditioned, arrogant rabble that ye are; and come ye on, one by one as the order of knighthood requires, or all together as is the custom and vile usage of your breed, here do I bide and await you relying on the justice of the cause I maintain.
And so saying, he charged with levelled lance against the one who had spoken, with such fury and fierceness that, if luck had not contrived that Rocinante should stumble midway and come down, it would have gone hard with the rash trader. Down went Rocinante, and over went his master, rolling along the ground for some distance; and when he tried to rise he was unable, so encumbered was he with lance, buckler, spurs, helmet, and the weight of his old armour; and all the while he was struggling to get up he kept saying, "Fly not, cowards and caitiffs!
One of the muleteers in attendance, who could not have had much good nature in him, hearing the poor prostrate man blustering in this style, was unable to refrain from giving him an answer on his ribs; and coming up to him he seized his lance, and having broken it in pieces, with one of them he began so to belabour our Don Quixote that, notwithstanding and in spite of his armour, he milled him like a measure of wheat.
His masters called out not to lay on so hard and to leave him alone, but the muleteers blood was up, and he did not care to drop the game until he had vented the rest of his wrath, and gathering up the remaining fragments of the lance he finished with a discharge upon the unhappy victim, who all through the storm of sticks that rained on him never ceased threatening heaven, and earth, and the brigands, for such they seemed to him. At last the muleteer was tired, and the traders continued their journey, taking with them matter for talk about the poor fellow who had been cudgelled.
He when he found himself alone made another effort to rise; but if he was unable when whole and sound, how was he to rise after having been thrashed and well-nigh knocked to pieces? And yet he esteemed himself fortunate, as it seemed to him that this was a regular knight-errant's mishap, and entirely, he considered, the fault of his horse. However, battered in body as he was, to rise was beyond his power. Y desta manera fue prosiguiendo el romance, hasta aquellos versos que dicen :. Al cabo de lo cual dijo :.
Finding, then, that, in fact he could not move, he thought himself of having recourse to his usual remedy, which was to think of some passage in his books, and his craze brought to his mind that about Baldwin and the Marquis of Mantua, when Carloto left him wounded on the mountain side, a story known by heart by the children, not forgotten by the young men, and lauded and even believed by the old folk; and for all that not a whit truer than the miracles of Mahomet.
This seemed to him to fit exactly the case in which he found himself, so, making a show of severe suffering, he began to roll on the ground and with feeble breath repeat the very words which the wounded knight of the wood is said to have uttered:. And so he went on with the ballad as far as the lines:. E non abbiamo fatto degli sforzi abbastanza seri per le trasformazioni di cui lo Stato ha bisogno. Durante il suo governo sono stati legalizzati il commercio e la produzione della marijuana.
Con questo ha fatto notizia in tutto il mondo. Si tratta di una misura preventiva contro il narcotraffico. Come fibra tessile, per esempio, ha infinite applicazioni, per fare tessuti e un sacco di altre cose Come potremmo immaginare la coltivazione legale?
Non vogliamo la coltivazione libera in qualsiasi posto. Non credo che fomentare una dipendenza sia una cosa favorevole No, no, no! Quel bel panorama che ci prospetta Giustamente per questi risultati. Cosa significa? Io non odio. Tuttavia, in prigione ho incontrato soldati che rischiavano la pelle per portarci un bicchierino di grappa o una mela.
Che cosa ha fatto? Ho avuto sempre questa speranza e magari mi ha aiutato Sono rimasto sei anni senza libri e mi inventavo cose, meccanismi per difendermi Quali, per esempio? Camminavo vari chilometri al giorno. Dentro al pozzo? Davvero non ha mai avuto dubbi che ne sarebbe uscito vivo? Io non penso alla morte. Sono andato a vedere la cella dove sono stato prigioniero Le caserme sono tali e quali a quando mi arrestarono.
Non ha mai nutrito sentimenti di vendetta? Cosa mi venite fuori con il premio per la pace! Di che pace stiamo parlando? Gli suggerii di darlo post mortem a Gandhi. Che programmi ha? Adesso sto camminando verso la tomba ride. Non concepisco la vita del pensionato. Morirei, ma di tristezza, in un angolo. A sconvolgere la serena ignoranza dei credenti, che vedevano in Satana non il simulacro del male, ma il male stesso, nettamente delineato e separato dal bene, rappresentato a sua volta dagli altri esseri alati guidati da Gabriele, fu l'emerito professor Odoro E.
Il chiarissimo professore, sessualmente molto dotato, pur essendo un uomo integerrimo, si mostrava estremamente sensibile al fascino femminile, tanto da essere soprannominato dagli studenti e dalle studentesse l'uomo dal turgore facile quest'ultimo solo uno dei molti epiteti che per motivi di spazio non possiamo riportare integralmente. Thela e Odoro non si vedevano da tre settimane e l'astinenza fu la scintilla galeotta che accese la miccia del sesso. Era risaputo soprattutto fra le studentesse, ma anche fra gli studenti che il professor Turgimann l'uomo dal turgore senza limiti avesse una resistenza all'orgasmo davvero al di sopra della norma, e anche quella volta, nonostante il lungo digiuno, seppe guadagnarsi molto onorevolmente la fellatio che Thela gli aveva riservato come ultima portata del lungo pasto.
E' possibile. Qualcosa di molto particolare. Vero, Odoro? Voi intellettuali vi lasciate sempre fuorviare dal pensiero di poter pubblicare cose mai sentite e mai viste. Scommetto che stai pensando a una rivisitazione dell'Eden. Non scherzare Ma forse hai ragione. Devo dormirci un po' sopra.
Libero arbitrio? Ma fu la consapevolezza del male compiuto a curvarmi la schiena. In un primo tempo non capii: la conoscenza del male fatto mi sembrava devastante. Impossibile porvi rimedio. Poi i pensieri cominciarono ad assumere nuovamente delle forme armoniche. Tenga ben presente, signor Turgimann, che io, a quei tempi, non ne sapevo molto sul peccato. Credevo davvero di aver commesso un abominio. Il tempo passava e io continuavo a pensare a quello che avevo commesso, seguitando a piegarmi su me stesso.
La pressione dentro di me era diventata davvero insopportabile e non era solo per via del peccato, mi creda Ero nuovamente Lucifero, ma senza alcuna forma. Attraverso il creato avrei potuto affrancarmi definitivamente dal peccato. Ma non sapevo ancora come Fu allora che conobbi l'Uomo, maschio e femmina. E' carne della mia carne. Questa poi! Si trattava di peccati che rientravano nella mia sfera conoscitiva. Ma quando mi trovai nei panni di Caino ne fui davvero terrorizzato.
Per non parlare di quello che provai vestendo gli abiti di Abele. Erano situazioni nuove, alle quali pensavo che non mi sarei mai abituato. Devo dire che l'immaginazione dell'Uomo in questo campo non ha rivali. Mi accorsi ben presto che anche i maschi umani avevano capito l'inghippo: per imporre il loro logos avevano bisogno dell'appoggio delle femmine. Sulla Terra stavo imparando lo schifo dello schifo, grazie all'Uomo. E dopo centinaia di migliaia di anni passati a disperdere il seme, a rubare anche le femmine , a uccidere e a bestemmiare, mi fermai: io, in odore di redenzione, ero diventato la sintesi di tutti i peccati del mondo.
Lei ha letto l'elegante poema di John Milton? Una piacevolissima successione di eventi stravaganti presi da chissadove? Signor Turgimann Ma l'Uomo mi ha profondamente deluso e a un certo punto, per venirne fuori, sono stato costretto a chiedere aiuto a Dio. Lei mi sta dicendo cose che mai avevo sentito prima d'ora e a onor del vero mi sembrano un tantino stravaganti Le stavo dicendo che a un certo punto mi sentii davvero perduto, essendo ormai convinto che con un alleato come l'Uomo non sarei andato molto lontano.
Fu allora che chiesi aiuto a Dio. Lo pregai di scendere sulla Terra per placare la bestia che stava inficiando ogni cosa. Ma mi accorsi ben presto di essermi sbagliato ancora una volta.
La mia idea di dar luogo a una nuova religione non aveva fatto germogliare i fiori sperati. E' chiaro, signor Turgimann? Tuttavia, tornando al caos religioso, non ho capito una cosa E' presto detto, signor Turgimann.
Voglio che voi umani comprendiate senz'ombra di dubbio la semantica della vostra esistenza in relazione alla mia redenzione. La conoscenza, signor Turgimann! Solo tramite la conoscenza possiamo tessere con i fili del bene e del male. Badi, signor Turgimann, sono arrivato alla conclusione molto sofferta che, alla fine, una nuova novella sia la soluzione migliore per imboccare la diritta via. Migliore anche dell'introduzione di una quarta religione monoteista, che, secondo il mio modesto parere, ora come ora aggiungerebbe solo caos al caos.
Ci pensi, signor Turgimann Ah, dimenticavo! Non vorrei che succedesse qualcosa di spiacevole Siamo fatti della sua materia, lanciata a distanze siderali da un'esplosione inimmaginabile. Abbiamo parti di bene che vengono da Dio e parti di male generate dal peccato dell'Avversario. I due Sega, al ritorno dal loro viaggio investigativo, riferirono prontamente al professor Turgimann l'uomo dal turgore esplicitato quanto avevano scoperto. Mi segua. Succede che la donna, andando al lago per bagnarsi, faccia la conoscenza dell'avversario e che questi incontri si ripetano nel tempo all'insaputa del marito.
I due vengono cacciati da quella terra paradisiaca e cominciano una vita di stenti per cercare di venir fuori, ma senza molta convinzione, da quella situazione tanto imbarazzante quanto inspiegabile Tuttavia non mi sono inventato nulla col fine di rendere il racconto simile al suo vissuto. E' tutto vero e capita tutti i giorni, fin dalla notte dei tempi. B - il concetto natural fondamentalista, che considera la posa dei propri geni nel calice ancora vuoto, come atto basilare e teleologico se preferisce, finalistico del destino ultimo dell'uomo inteso come maschio?
La cultura delle origini ci ha abituato all'inverecondia degli aggettivi possessivi: mio marito, mia moglie, la mia donna, il mio uomo Assoggettiamo senza pudore un'anima divina e un po' diabolica al nostro volere, senza mai considerare che l'anima divina e un po' diabolica assoggettata fa esattamente lo stesso con noi.
Non mi pare questo il punto A causa di questi fatti, io sono convinto che per lei ci sia un motivo di fastidio sopra tutti gli altri E' lei il letterato, signor Turgimann Non si irriti, la prego. Non faccia follie, signor Turgimann Conosco bene il comportamento fallace degli umani Ma essendo la verga molto piccola, anche la i e la o della doverosa specifica erano finite tra le fauci di Thela.
Piccolo per Thela, ovviamente, abituata a ben altre dimensioni. Tuttavia, per avere il conforto della giustezza della nostra teoria, dovevamo vedere le dimensioni del suo pene, professor Turgimann Two of far nobler shape, erect and tall, Godlike erect, with native honor clad In naked majesty seemed lords of all Nor those mysterious parts were then concealed; Then was not guilty shame, dishonest shame Sight hateful, sight tormenting! Ogni volta, il piccolo essere voglioso usciva dalla Thela ricurvo ed umiliato, completamente svuotato della fatua arroganza di cui si era riempito. Sembravano avere sopra a tutti signoria.
CAPITOLO 10 A - andarsene e lasciare i due amanti al loro destino B - coglierli in flagrante ed esigere la riparazione del danno C - sorprendere i fedifraghi ed ucciderli Delle tre opzioni possibili che si erano presentate al professor Turgimann l'uomo dal turgore mai sazio , una, la quarta D , fu la prescelta. Dalle foto che la signora Consolatrice Sega aveva mostrato ad Odoro, si evinceva in modo inequivocabile che l'ano dell'avversario in amore non aveva ceduto solo a spinte catartiche intestine non procrastinabili, ma anche a richieste foris portas esterne non sempre facilmente eludibili.
Forse fu per questo motivo che Odoro ebbe la sensazione del cercine morbido ma molto freddo, entrando a lume di candela nei meandri dell'avversario in amore. Thela e Odoro videro la loro rovina. Chi avrebbe potuto credere, infatti, a un incidente voluto dal fato? Giunti a Casina Bella dopo un viaggio nel timore di essere scoperti, si resero conto del male che avevano fatto all'atleta, anche se superficialmente quanto era successo avrebbe potuto essere archiviato come un semplice e sciagurato incidente.
Tuttavia, pensarono, anche lo stesso maestro di surf aveva seminato zizzania fra loro, mettendo il dito nelle pieghe delicate di una coppia che nessuno avrebbe definito infelice. Decisero di espiare il peccato nella sofferenza, che li avrebbe accompagnati per tutta la durata della vita, senza mai abbandonarli. L'opera dal titolo La nuova novella di Odoro Turgimann, ovvero il diavolo siamo noi, fu tradotta in molte lingue e venduta in tutto il mondo.
Da me venite tutti voi umani, uomini e donne. Dall'esplosione che ha lacerato il mio corpo, compresso come un protone dalla colpa del peccato, riducendolo in miliardi di miliardi di brandelli particolari: i primi mattoni dell'Universo che vi circonda. Tuttavia, adesso il gioco lo conducete voi. Come rimpiango il tempo in cui mi si dicevano le cose e io ci credevo.
Nessun dubbio, nessuna decisione da prendere, nessun senso di colpa. Quando voi umani dovete scegliere, sappiate quanto capisco la vostra ambascia! Pensate a me, a me che sono non solo dentro di voi, ma anche con voi! Voglio sottolineare come sia basilare la conoscenza del peccato in relazione al comportamento dei singoli personaggi, per una corretta valutazione degli eventi. Cominciamo con l'esaminare la posizione dell'atleta, che chiameremo l'avversario del signor Turgimann, ovviamente, al quale invece daremo nome Adamo. Sarebbe stato certamente capace di uccidere fisicamente per quella donna che non gli apparteneva, ma che sentiva sua.
Non farai adulterio. Non ruberai. Non vorrei fare la figura del pignolo e del bacchettone, ma anche Adamo Turgimann e la sua compagna Eva hanno contravvenuto alle regole dei comandamenti. Entrambi hanno infatti fornicato e, seppure in modi differenti, aperto la via all'incidente mortale.