Dictionary Conjugation Phrases Games More by bab. DE Fehlfunktion. Similar translations Similar translations for "failure malfunction" in German. German defekt sein versagen nicht funktionieren nicht richtig arbeiten nicht richtig ablaufen nicht richtig funktionieren. That's why he had to know how long the barber would be held up in his barber shop.
Comment Rievilo: It is obvious. Comment every day it's the same old boring thing: breathe breathe breathe. Student: "Sie bestrafen mich. Wenn Sie jedoch die Antwort nicht wissen, geben Sie mir eine Eins. Danach ruft der Professor seinen besten Studenten und stellt ihm die gleiche Frage. Comment Befehl ist alles Hier hast Du eine Pistole.
Du hast 30 Sekunden, um sie umzubringen! Du hast 30 Sekunden, sie umzubringen! Comment a woman comes to a dentist for a routine check. She settles down in the dentist's chair and opens her mouth. The dentists adjusts the chair and picks around with his tools. How's that?
Is it really necessary? I'd rather give birth to another child again. Ma'am, you'd better tell me on time. That will be an totally different adjustment of the chair! Comment Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?
Comment According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key! Comment In a monastery an older monk and a younger monk are making transcripts from the books in the library. Suddently, the younger monk asks: "Say, for how long are the transcripts made like this? I will check that later Why are you banging your head against that wall? The older monk turns to him and says: "I compared the transcripts with the originals! The word is celebrate!!!
Comment Bukowski: Please explain, I don't get the point, since there is no reference in the story to the word "celebrate" or the like. Comment Heinz H, ich denke mal dass es so gemeint ist: Moenche muessen ja "celibate", also das Zoelibat halten Die sind super, danke! Und es freut mich, dass dich die Quotes of the day erfreuen. Comment hello heinz h. Comment A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!
He gave her that "who-are-you? Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the heck is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! Then he got a little panicky. He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college, and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone? Comment Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it.
What do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead. Comment A man walked into an ice cream shop Man: I'd like some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: I'm sorry sir, but we're out of chocolate. Would you like something else? Man: Yes, I'd like some chocolate ice cream.
Scooper: I'm sorry, but we don't have that. Would you like to try a different flavor? Man: Um I'd like some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: We don't have that. How about a different kind of ice cream? Man: I'll have some chocolate ice cream. Man: V-A-N. Scooper: That's what I've been trying to tell you! Comment How do you describe a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? It's a guy who sits up all night wondering if there is a dog or not. Comment Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. You don't want to ask that question Yes, 3 times. When were they?
Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked? I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again? Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3? Comment Moses spend 40 days and nights on the mountain talking to god and receiving the commandments.
When he comes down from the mountains, he gathers the Hebrws around him and tells them: "I have some good news and some bad news: The good news is: I talked him down to The bad news is: Adultery is still one of them! In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and Shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord! Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise. The little old man jumps up again. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord".
Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it! Comment A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say, "Wow! You are amazing! Comment A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. Mama, he asked, Are these my brains? Mama answered, Not yet. Comment For Wolfman's male chauvi collection;- The definition of bravery: Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' night out, being confronted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
Comment A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it? Comment This stuff is comedy gold! Where are you people getting these jokes from? Because I'm so impressed and amused, I'll share one of the only three jokes I've made an effort to remember: This one is better if you can imagine an Irish accent.
A young Irishman walks into a bar. That's not the joke -- that happens many thousands of times a day. He goes up to the bartender and orders three pints of Guinness, waits for them to be poured, then goes over to a table in the corner and slowly drinks all three while watching the football match on the television. Eventually he comes back to the bar and asks for another three pints. The bartender says, "You know, they do taste better if you order them one at a time I'll be here all night, there's no hurry.
And then one day, after several months have gone by, the young Irishman comes in and says "I'll have two pints of Guinness, please. The young man is in his corner sipping his first pint, and finally the bartender comes over to him and says "You know, I don't mean to intrude upon your grief, but I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. No, it's not that I've lost one of my brothers The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right Is it No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure. Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham. Comment ringing Maggie also a blonde : "Hello The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara. It's a Cuckoo. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock. Comment A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two Military Police came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.
She replied, He went that way. The nun said she can fully understand the fear. Comment True facts about men! If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:you're sick of him.
Fehlschaltung (German Edition) - Kindle edition by Marion Schmeer. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features. Natalie Rehm ist Fantasy-Autorin, allerdings eine der weniger Erfolgreichen. Das wird ihr spätestens dann klar, als sie ihrer Kollektivmuse begegnet, die noch.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
Comment Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's. Comment Hey, glad you liked it. I'll save my two other good jokes for another thread Comment Benson It was worth while you having remembered that one. What about the two Irish IRA terrorists driving around with a bomb on the rear seat. The front-seat passenger said "Patrick, have you taken any precautions in case the bomb explodes? Comment In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it was tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button, which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. Your balls are under your pillow. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time. I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi'. Sagt dir das was? Aber warte mal, ich frag Jesus. Den gibt's immer noch! Comment A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful. Comment Computers - Male or Female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female e. Recently, a group of computer scientists all males announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you". Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. However, another group of computer scientists all female think that computers should be referred to as if they were male.
Their reasons follow: 1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
Comment A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? Men use them to have safe sex. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for? With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.
One for January, one for February, one for March. Comment The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds to hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could go. Well, he gets to about 90 miles per hour and,WHAM!
There are the blue lights of our friendly State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Well, the trooper, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please I need to call in. Comment An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Peter checks his dossier and says: "Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich.
You've had too good of a life, so now you can't come in here. Pretty soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy. One day God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators.
The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room. There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him back up here, now. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. Comment The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way? Comment Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math.
She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns? Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around. Comment The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish Euro for short.
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "W" by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru. Comment The thread is so long that I haven't checked whether this joke has been told: A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse enters his room to sponge his face and hands. Jones, I'm only here to wash your face and hands. I'm only here to wash your face and hands. Er geht tiefer und sichtet eine Frau am Boden. Tatsache ist, dass Sie in exakt der gleichen Lage sind wie vor unserem Treffen, aber jetzt bin irgendwie ich schuld!
Wieder ruft man ihn: "Hey, du da! Das darf nicht wahr sein, denkt er, aber der Frosch spricht wieder: "Hey, du, ich bin eine verzauberte Prinzessin. Comment g: Ich kenn den mit Informatikern: "Frauen gibt es viele, aber ein sprechender Frosch ist cool Comment Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
I WON! With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll? Comment A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
That hurts, too. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis: "You have a broken finger.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc. Of course, if these don't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep. Comment A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind? This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. Comment Husband 1. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1. Conversation 8. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging I've tried running Nagging 5. Can you help please?!!!! Jane Dear Jane: This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5. However, Husband 1. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.
Having Husband 1. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1. Husband 1. We know that quite often you study foreign languages, do school, university or course assignments with our service and we're sure that our dictionaries will be your indispensable assistant. PROMT dictionaries for English, German, French, Russian, Spanish and Italian contain millions of words and phrases as well as contemporary colloquial vocabulary, monitored and updated by our linguists.
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